i tink mentally screwed... i suddenly like got enlightened.. i realised daytime im dont tink alot cos i dont wna tink alot.. to the extent dat wen it cums to complexity.. i surpress miself frm tinking cos i dont wna tink abt it.. at nite wen i slp.. everything cums out..
seriously i dont wna noe nor tink abt it.. i get veri sick of it wen i tink.. i started unsurpressing dose tots jus now.. make mi super depressed onli.. make mi heart sink n sink.. mi mum n dad suggested sending mi to the psychiatrist.. cos i refused to say anithing wen mi dad asked mi abt the contents of mi dreams..
actly wen i really go tink.. i cannot really remember a moment i truly felt sad.. unless it's like sum sudden incident dat jus interrupted mi life for dat few moments before im okay again..
i dont wna tink lah.. i tink onli mi head damn pain.. i rather b happy n ignore all the unhappy things.. the problem wif mi is i care too much.. n wen i care too much.. i get affected veri easily.. but wen i get affected by something.. i choose to surpress mi unhappiness..
complicated eh.. i tink so too. .dat's why i dont wna tink..
i remember got once sab asked mi something.. den i dno say wad.. it's nth lah.. or i dont feel anithing.. sumthing related to mi emotions..
den she say: shi you de loh.. zhi shi ni bu yao mian dui er yi(u feel something.. it's jus dat u refuse to admit it)
at dat pointa time.. i really couldn feel anithing.. but now tinking abt it.. was i surpressing.. or was i truly feeling dat way..

jus now i faced something i haf always been afraid of.. den dno why leh.. jus suddenly i felt veri sad.. n i imagined dat if dat really happened.. how sad i wld b... n i saw miself crying like no1's business.. den i was tinking.. mayb all the while dat was the truth.. jus dat i kept deceiving miself.. jus to give miself false hope.. false happiness.. but wad i knew was dat.. as long as one day i dont confront it.. it will nver cum n find mi.. n i will not b placed into such a horrible scenario.. but i noe if i confront it.. i will not get the ans. i wan.. i will b placed into such horrible misery...

o wadeva seriously.. i dint really wanted to care rite frm the start..
i enjoy running..... away especially... i still bliff it's the ultimate solutions to most problems..